My Unhappy Valentine

My Valentine

Wait do I even know what that means, the feelings it should bring or significance in our life? no I don't think I have an idea independent from the capitalist tale of the day. Well I thought to myself to write you a letter, as the legend of Valentine. 

I am writing a letter to you instead of sending flowers because it has the ability to share not only thoughts but words that my heart would like to communicate to yours. What does Valentine mean to us, what are we celebrating? I mean when last did we kiss passionately, held each other tight, fell asleep in each others arms, walk around with your hand in mine? When last did we take a drive into the wild to smell the freshness of the countryside air, a drive to our favourite roadhouse which we can't even remember the name of. When last could we complete each others sentence or even let the other finish a sentence without interjecting to point out who is wrong? When last could you sing a song by Jennifer Holiday on the original "Dreamgirls - And I'm telling you, I'm not leaving". 

Do you still see me as smarter, stronger, faster, handsome, etc. than any other man? Do you still wake up at night to stare at me and smile that your dreams have come true, or is the order of the day to face away in bed? Would you still rather live in poverty with me than in riches with someone else, have bad times with me that good times somewhere else? Are we still building memories or living off the once built during the prime of our love? Is valentine's day a day to celebrate for us or the day to mourn the death of our love? Are you happy with me, proud to still call me your man, do you still feel the passion when our bodies come one? do you tremble with excitement brought by my manhood or fear brought by my fist? 

Do you long for flowers and gifts from me or for love that is true and passionate, the care that is genuine and someone to protect your heart. Will you accept this false valentine card, this pretentious bunch of red roses, the poisonous italian kisses chocolates and be my unhappy valentine so that we can show the world we comply.     

Letter to a conflicted soul

To you my soul, my being, the superior part of me and yet the one I understand less. Well the question I have been asking myself this morning has been, are you me, are you within me or are you divine. Where do you reside inside me? are you the pain in my heart, a thought on my mind, emptiness in my spirit or are you the wisdom that leads my feet to the right path that my mortal being always question? Are you me or am I you, I am the visible part of us. The one that can be seen, touched and feel the pain. I am the one that can taste and enjoy but yet without you there isn't life in me. I am the temporary structure of us while you are the form we will take in the forever, yet I assume the commanding role in the today.

Are we in sync, are you happy with who we are, the role I have decided for us? Is it where we are destined to be, have I realised our purpose? Have you healed from the pain that I have caused you only for my temporary pleasures of the world, Oh dear Soul have I fed you what fills your belly up while I focus on the taste of what fills my physical belly? Have I made your world bearable, kept you safe and away from the forces that consumes souls? Do my apologies mean anything to you this morning?

You expect nothing of me, you realise my weakness, my ignorance and arrogance but still you reside in me and keep my body going so I may change myself, change my ways. Oh dear Soul, I am in battle, I don't know who to listen to as my heart and mind are always conflicted while my spirit searches for joy in places I am not interested in going because they are not cool to my friends. I know you don't usually do it but may I ask of you to take over, to lead me, to show me who we really are cause I am not intelligent enough to deliver us. Can you settle the war inside and let your calm preside, I realise that I maybe asking for too much but if I don't then you and I will suffer my mistakes in the forever. Oh dear soul, my dear friend I realise the conflict I am inviting for you as I invite you to be in the physical whilst invisible. Oh dear Soul let me be you.....